Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
