So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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