i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
