Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
