Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
