Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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