dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
