i just had sex bonerless
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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