If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
