This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
