I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
