Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Banned from zoo.
Again?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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