Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
