I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
