any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
