how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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