im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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