my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Randomize
