I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
