on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
