the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
