Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My bed smells like the plague
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
