i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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