It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
