My underwear smells like fireworks.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
