dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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