I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
