Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
