you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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