Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
