Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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