haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
