last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
