Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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