So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
