Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
soo... how was my night?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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