now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I am available for nakedness
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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