My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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