How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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