i don't like sucking hair
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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