a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
