Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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