lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
