About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
