just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
