he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
