the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
