Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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