No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
