What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
