I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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