the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
