Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
